The discovery of hidden secrets is one of the most exhilarating moments that a player can experience when enjoying a video game for the first time. The developers of video games know much the players love secrets, which is why they endeavor to include them at the end of the most difficult challenges and hide them behind hard-to-find areas, in order to make the discovery all the sweeter.
There are some video game developers with a twisted ideal who love to hide terrible video game secrets in their games. A bad video game secret can be anything from a useless item to a message that outright insults the player for bothering to play the game that they paid for.
It’s hard to say why video game developers feel the need to insult their fanbase – it’s possible that they are bitter from spending several months (if not years) of their time slaving away over hot numbers in order to craft a game, only for some reviewer to trash it in the pages of a magazine. It’s also possible that some developers just like to poke fun at the people who play their games and want them to take their hobby a little less seriously.
We are here today to discover which video game secrets weren’t worth the effort of discovering – from the 100% completion reward that insulted the player to the time when Jeff Goldblum wanted video game fans to blow the stink from their bodies.
Here are Twenty Video Game Secrets That Punished The Player For Finding Them!
Final Fantasy IX Has Underwater T-Shirts
In Final Fantasy IX, there is a Chocobo named Choco who grows more powerful as you use him to hunt treasure. It’s possible for Choco to change color, which allows him to travel to different places, such as being able to cross water and run up mountains.
When Choco turns navy blue, he can run on the ocean, which allows you to search for underwater treasure. The underwater treasure can be found by looking for patches of bubbling water and using an item to start the search.
One of the hidden underwater treasures is a set of Southern Tropical Outfits for each member of the party. The Southern Tropical Outfits are the worst pieces of armor in the game and they don’t even alter the physical appearance of the characters who equip them, which may not have made them worth the effort to find.
Dark Souls 2 Gives You The Ladle Of Uselessness
The starting area of Dark Souls II has two massive Ogres wandering around that can slay your character in a single strike. The player is far too ill-equipped to deal with the Ogres at the beginning of the game, which is something that completionists and speedrunners took as a challenge.
If you defeat the two Ogres in Things Betwixt and speak to Milibeth, then she will reward you with the Handmaid’s Ladle, which is just a wooden ladle that you can equip as a weapon.
The Handmaid’s Ladle is one of the worst weapons in the game and is hardly a worthy reward for slaying the two Ogres, especially for those who took the time to do it at the start of the game. Then again, the kind of player who wants to test their skills against the Ogres at the start of the game would probably welcome the chance to slay the likes of the Smelter Demon with a spoon.
Resident Evil 2 Rewards Your Hard Work With A Lump Of Tofu
When Resident Evil 2 was in development, the producers created a character model that was just a white block in order to test hit detection. The producers thought this test model looked like a lump of tofu, so they added into the game as a playable character, named Tofu.
In order to unlock Tofu, you have to complete Resident Evil 2 at least six times while achieving an A-ranking. If you manage to complete this difficult task, then you get to play as Tofu in a separate mode, where he has no weapons (except for the knife) and has to run to the end of the stage while dodging hits in order to complete his stage.
The recent remake of Resident Evil 2 made unlocking Tofu a lot easier, as you now only need to complete HUNK’s scenario in order to play as him.
Snowboard Kids 2 Wants To Steal Gamers Money
Snowboard Kids 2 was a snowboarding game for the Nintendo 64 that used a similar style to the Mario Kart series, as you could pick up items and weapons while racing across the stage and use them against the other players in order to help you win the race.
There are secret boards that you can unlock in Snowboard Kids 2 by completing the Story Mode while on the Expert difficulty. If you complete the Sunny Mountain course through this method, then you will unlock the Poverty Board, which would cause you to lose coins as soon as you gained them, which prevented you from collecting them at the end of the stage.
Final Fantasy XII Rewards You With A Terrible Sword
Gilgamesh is one of the few recurring characters in the Final Fantasy series that is said to be the same person each time, rather than being different iterations of the same kind of character, as is the case with the summons that appears throughout the series.
There is an Elite Hunt in Final Fantasy XII where the player has to hunt down Gilgamesh and face him in one of the trickiest battles in the game.
In the original version of Final Fantasy XII, the prize for hunting Gilgamesh was the Masamune blade, which was a powerful weapon. The prize for defeating Gilgamesh in the re-release version of Final Fantasy XII was the Excalipur, which was a joke weapon that only dealt a single point of damage with each hit.
Xenoblade Chronicles Rewards Your Hard Work With The Worst Weapon In The Game
Xenoblade Chronicles is a game with a lot of side quests, some of which can involve a lot of running around and delivering items to individuals who are spread across the world map. One of the sidequests in Xenoblade Chronicles is called Bana the Betrayer and it involves the discovery of one of the members of the Nopon race being a secret crime lord, which leaves you with the task of confronting him about his secret dealings with the underworld.
Once you reach the end of the Bana the Betrayer questline, you have to face an incredibly tough battle against a level 78 creature called Frenzied Bana. If you are strong enough to defeat Frenzied Bana, then one of the treasures you can loot is the Monapon, which is the weakest weapon in the game for Riki, who is already a physically weak character.
Grand Theft Auto III Has A Hidden Plane That Doesn’t Work
The first two Grand Theft Auto games were 2D, which meant that the action was restricted to landlocked vehicles. When the series made the jump to 3D in Grand Theft Auto III, it became possible for the developers to add flying vehicles to the game in order to allow players to cause havoc from the skies.
The developers of Grand Theft Auto III decided to be mean by adding in a plane called the Dodo, which could only stay in the air for a few seconds before crashing to the ground.
The joke was on the developers, however, as some players managed to find a way to keep the Dodo in the air by using exploits, which allowed them to access hidden parts of the world map, such as the infamous Ghost Town that was used for filming the opening cutscene.
Final Fantasy Tactics Has The Hidden Pig Sword
Final Fantasy Tactics is a game that is notorious for having some incredibly unfair boss battles, which eventually become easier as you are given powerful unique party members over the course of the game.
There is a hidden sword in Final Fantasy Tactics called the Nagranok, which has the lowest attack score in the game. The Nagranok can only be found by poaching a Swine enemy or by using the Move-Find Item ability in Nelveska Temple.
The Nagranok will cast the Toad spell when it hits the enemy and will turn them into a small amphibian. The ability to transform an enemy into a toad might sound useful, but most bosses in the game (like the Lucavi) are immune to the effect, which means that the sword would only be useful in random battles and there are far more effective strategies for dealing with enemies in Final Fantasy Tactics than using status effects.
WWF Smackdown! Just Bring It Rewards You With… Fred Durst
There have been a number of different WWE games released over the years and the developers have sometimes had to cut wrestlers from the roster at the last minute, due to that wrestler leaving the WWE without warning.
WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It was one of the few WWF/WWE games to include someone who wasn’t affiliated with the company. If you completed the Slobber Knocker Mode within the time limit while playing as the Undertaker (which is one of the most difficult tasks in the game), then you could unlock Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit as a playable wrestler.
The reward value of being able to play as Fred Durst is relative to your love of bands from the Nu-metal era, but most players probably don’t want to go through the trouble of unlocking the singer of such classics as “Rollin’” and “My Way.”
Gex Insults You During The Credits
Gex was one of many platform games of the mid-nineties that tried to turn its animal protagonist into a mascot character, which in this case was a Gecko named Gex.
If you discover the hidden portal in every level of Gex, then you can travel to a secret world called Planet X, which contains several additional levels and will allow you to access the secret ending of the game.
The secret ending of Gex consists of the main character watching a TV screen with an eye-searing static effect that carries messages from the developers that appear in the form of a credits sequence. The credits initially praise your skills, before becoming sarcastic and insulting you for spending so much time playing a video game. The berating lasts for almost ten minutes before you are given a glimpse of the concept art for the game.
Mario Kart Wii Gives You The Worst Kart In The Game
The Mario Kart series briefly gave the different characters their own unique items and stats, before making every character pick an aesthetic choice and putting all of the stats onto the different vehicles and their parts, which would be selected before each match.
If you complete all of the Retro Cup tournaments at 150cc in Mario Kart Wii, then you can unlock the Jetsetter kart, which is the fastest vehicle in the game.
The problem with the Jetsetter is that its speed is offset by the fact that its other stats are terrible, most notably, its handling, which means that you will be spending more time driving off the course than you will be finishing the race.
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater Gives You Patriotic Face Paint
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater introduced the idea of camouflage to the series, as Snake had to infiltrate areas while passing through the wilderness, unlike Solid Snake, who was sneaking through military bases and ships in the first two games.
There are several different kinds of face paint that you can use to aid your camouflage abilities in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater and those with access to the Internet could download flags based on the region that they were living in, in the form of the Nine National Face Paints.
In order to unlock the face paints in Subsistence (the enhanced port of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater), you either had to complete the game once or start a new file with the name “I Like MGS3.” The problem with making Snake look like he is attending a sports event is that the Nine National Face Paints are often a detriment to his camouflage skills, due to how brightly colored they are.
Takeshi No Chosenjo Wants To Know Why You’re So Serious?
Takeshi no Chosenjo is an infamously absurd video game for the Nintendo Famicom that never left Japan, which was partly due to the fact that it was sold on the fact that it was developed by a Japanese celebrity (Beat Takeshi) who wasn’t known outside of his home country and because it was designed to mess with the player.
Takeshi no Chosenjo involves some ridiculous puzzles, including not pressing any buttons on the controller for an hour and the game is said to be almost impossible to complete without a guide.
Those who make it to the end of Takeshi no Chosenjo are treated to a message that asks you why you took the game so seriously?
Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead’s Revenge Rewards You With Dancing
Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead’s Revenge is considered to be one of the worst licensed games of all time, as all of the functions of gameplay are only explained in the manual, most of the puzzles don’t make any sense, and you are expected to have seen the movie Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings in order to be able to answer some of the questions you need to proceed through the game.
If you manage to somehow complete Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead’s Revenge, then you are treated to a cutscene of the titular monster dancing around for twenty seconds. The monster is also wearing a pair of regular shoes in order to allow the actor to move around.
The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild Rewards You With Poop
The most difficult quest in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild involves finding nine-hundred Korok Seeds, which are hidden all over the world and require the player to keep their eyes peeled for anything that looks suspicious in the land of Hyrule.
If you manage to collect all nine-hundred Korok Seeds and visit Hestu, then he will give you an item called Hestu’s Gift, which looks like a golden piece of poop.
The only use for Hestu’s Gift is that Hestu will dance for you if you visit him after acquiring it, which is hardly a worthy reward for completing such a monumental task.
Donkey Kong Country 2 Makes You Admit How Much You Stink At Games
Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest is a great game, but it was criticized upon release for its jump in difficulty compared to the original Donkey Kong Country.
There is help to be found for those who are having trouble with Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest, as there is a cheat code that will give the player an extra fifty lives.
In order to use the cheat code, the player has to go to the cheat mode screen and press Y, A, Select, A, Down, Left, A, and Down. The reason these buttons are used for the code is that they make the player type “YA SAD LAD” (as in, you sad lad), which is an insult aimed at the players who require the code.
Chrono Trigger Lets You Fight With A Mop
There is a mysterious race of beings in Chrono Trigger known as the Nu, which the player will encounter under various different circumstances in the game.
It’s possible to steal items from enemies in Chrono Trigger with the aid of Ayla’s Charm ability, where she blows a kiss at the enemy and will sometimes receive a gift in return.
If you go out of your way to try and charm a Nu during one of the few times in the game where you encounter them in battle, then you will earn a Mop, which is the worst weapon in the game that can be equipped by Crono. The mop isn’t a magical janitorial tool that can break boulders – it’s just a mop.
The Lost World: Jurrasic Park Brings In Jeff Goldblum To Tell You To Get A Life
It’s bad enough when a reward for completing a difficult task in a video game is disappointing, but it’s even worse when the game chastises you for trying so hard.
If you complete The Lost World: Jurassic Park - Special Edition for the original PlayStation and collect all of the DNA Strands along the way, then you will unlock a secret ending that features Jeff Goldblum telling you to get a life.
The reward for completing a game that people had to pay for was a dressing down from Jeff Goldblum, who tells you to switch the console off and go outside to live your life.
Blast Corps Wants You To Stop Playing
Blast Corps was an unusual game for the Nintendo 64 that combined puzzles with vehicular destruction. The player was given access to a range of machines and vehicles in order to use them to destroy buildings and make sure that a runaway nuclear missile carrier had an unobstructed path going forward, as the resulting crash would cause an atomic blast. Blast Corps can be played as part of Rare Replay on the Xbox One.
Blast Corps was a notoriously difficult game to complete and it was even harder to earn the platinum medals in each stage. The reward for collecting all of the platinum medals (a task which the people at Rare believed was impossible) would reward you with the rank of “You can stop now.”
La-Mulana Gives You A Strange Reward
La-Mulana has a dungeon known as the Hell Temple, which is notorious for its insane difficulty and a selection of traps that are unfair and exist only to make you want to tear your hair out.
If this temple is such an intense place, then it must have an amazing treasure at the end… right?
Those who can endure the terrors of the dungeon will unlock the Swimsuit, which treats you to a picture of the Indiana Jones-looking protagonist wearing a mankini.
The Swimsuit scene is a reference to the MSX version of Dragon Quest II, where a similar image appears if you talk to the King of Ladatorm while the female party member has no items equipped.
