30 Rock’s John Lutz is the most put-upon loser on TGS’ crew. Considering that crew includes characters like Frank Rossitano, a self-described “dirtbag” nerd, TV-loving, country hick Kenneth Parcel and Peter Hornberger, a man who becomes so sick of his life he tries — and fails — to fake his own death, that’s really saying something.
But it’s Lutz, the “51-year-old, bisexual, half-Inuit virgin” who always bore the brunt of the gang’s frustrations, whether those were Liz’s outbursts or Frank and Toofer’s pranks. Lutz didn’t exactly help himself either, proving to be just as slippery and desperate as the others at times. Here are the worst things that the 30 Rock gang ever did to him.
FORCED HIM TO CHANGE HIS NAME AND FALL THROUGH A CEILING
30 Rock’s final episode is, fittingly, also the final episode of TGS. More importantly, it’s the last free lunch the gang gets to have. Unfortunately, it’s Lutz’s turn to pick what they have, and much to everyone’s dismay, he picks Blimpies. A stand-off ensues until the writers suddenly realize that, as they’re technically in Season 8, they can start the lunch picking roster again from the top of the alphabet.
This is when Lutz reveals the true depth of his desperation — he changed his surname to “Aardvark” preemptively. As a last resort, Liz locks him in her office, forcing Lutz to crawl through the air vent and fall through the ceiling onto the table of food.
MADE HIM BUY A CAR… ONLY TO HAVE IT STOLEN
Okay, the gang didn’t mean to wrangle Lutz into buying a car. Lutz pretends to have a one so that he can be part of the hypothetical apocalypse getaway team in the hopes they’ll pamper him to earn a seat in it.
Things fall apart when his hand is forced. He panics and buys an expensive sports car that matches the description he gave. But upon seeing that the car is obviously new, the gang reject it — and him — leading to Lutz crying in the street while the car is stolen.
SCARED HIM INTO RUNNING INTO A WALL
Frank and Toofer, aka the “Pranksmen” get the best of the ever-gullible Lutz when they set a trap on the crew’s food table for him: a donut bag that actually has a mouse in it.
Lutz takes the bait, screams at the sight of the rodent and, in his panic, runs right into the wall behind him. Adding insult to injury, a wall-mounted monitor falls on him, followed by Pete telling off Frank and Toofer — not for hurting Lutz — but for damaging equipment.
THREW A LAPTOP AT HIM
In another “Lutz makes poor lunch decisions” instance much earlier in the show, Lutz misuses his turn deciding on the gang’s food options by choosing Subway, leading to dissatisfied cries all around the writers’ room.
Someone even launches what looks like a laptop at him. To top it off, a worn-out Liz then yanks Lutz’s head and says, threateningly, “Maybe some people won’t be back next year.”
CONSTANTLY TOLD HIM TO SHUT UP
From Liz’ various unhealthy food and entertainment obsessions to Pete’s depressing anecdotes about his personal life, 30 Rock had so many running jokes it’s easy to forget some of the more underused ones.
One that occurred a couple of times was Liz or Jack bursting into the writers’ room yelling, “Everyone shut up, shut up, Lutz!” Every time, Lutz would look around in surprise, having been the only one not actually talking.
THREATENED HIM WITH A SWORD
When DotCom’s own idea for a show takes off, the catering for the studio is split between his project and TGS. Tracy, who was part of the crew for both, eats from both of craft tables, earning him a reprimand from Lutz: “Our food is separate!”
Tracy mistakes this for racist segregation and chases Lutz while yelling, “White devil!” after him. Things only get worse when Tracy arms himself with a sword and promises to kill Lutz.
CALLED HIM A “FAT, PERVERT LOSER”
Even when Lutz is in people’s good books he still takes a lot of heat just for being himself. Though Frank isn’t much better off than Lutz, he certainly doesn’t lack the self-awareness that Lutz does.
When Frank suggests the two temporarily ally themselves as “the biggest dirtbags,” Lutz objects. Frank doubles-down, calling them both “a couple of fat, pervert losers.” Lutz meekly point out he’s actually had a makeover, to which Frank just says: “No… no.”
CALLED HIM A LIAR, THREATENED HIS LIFE
Sick of TGS not having “anything to say,” Liz petitions the other writers to find a celebrity they can shove into an episode to get some traction online. Lutz offers up the services of his grand-nephew, Twilight star, Kellan Lutz.
Given Lutz’s habit of lying, Liz punishes his deceit by smacking his plate of food from his and hands and swears she’ll kill him if he ever lies again. To her amazement, Kellan Lutz then steps out of his grand-uncle’s office.
TRIED TO FIRE HIM AFTER HIS GRANDMA DIES
Liz is stunned when she hears Lutz call her the offensive “c-word” after she not only shoots down one of his sketch ideas, but berates him for it too. Feeling hurt, she tries to persuade Pete to have the writer fired.
Frank interjects to point out that Lutz’s bad behavior could be excused by his grandma having recently passed away. Liz attempts to be a “nice” boss instead, but it’s not long before she’s back to bashing Lutz harder than ever.
RUINED HIS THANKSGIVING
In a 30 Rock webisode, Lutz attempts to persuade Sue to come to his place for Thanksgiving — something that he can never get any of his workmates to do. As she considers his offer, she lays out some demands.
Rather than turkey, she wants turducken; rather than mashed potatoes, she wants boiled potatoes; and instead of cranberry sauce, she wants peach. Oh, and “Napoleon” ice-cream. Lutz is so desperate for company, he agrees to her unreasonable (and gross) demands.
