30 Rock was the kind of great sitcom that was able to draw humor from all points of view, including the ultra-rich, old school conservative opinions of Jack Donaghy. For seven seasons, Jack offered advice to Liz, Tracy, Jenna, and Kenneth, and while it wasn’t always the best advice, it would usually help them get where they needed to be.
Over the years, Jack gave fans a variety of great quotes that encompass his signature personality, one that could be incredibly serious, but also just as goofy and unhinged as the rest of the TGS staff. These are 10 of Jack Donaghy’s most badass quotes.
“Come on, Lemon. What do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.”
More often than not, Liz Lemon would come to Jack for advice on just about anything: work, romance, friendship, and even food. Of course, Jack’s advice was often coming from a very different point of view than Lemon’s.
In “Flu Shot,” Jack is being stingy about hading out flu shots to the entire TGS crew, but he offers one to Liz since, like him, she is a boss. While Liz refuses one at first, she eventually caves. Of course, karma comes back to bite Jack and Liz in the butt, because they both end up getting the flu due to the shot itself.
“Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.”
Jack loves industry. He’ll go on and on about his passion for vertical integration and how business and capitalism have shaped the country. So it’s no surprise that he would express his fondness for factories.
What is strange, though, is that Jack likes the idea of factories inspiring Bruce Springsteen to write new songs. Springsteen was always seen as the working man’s rock star, but that didn’t mean that he would share Jack’s views on what makes America so special.
“Every time I meet a new person, I figure out how I’m gonna fight ’em.”
Jack had a rough time growing up. He’s repeatedly talked about how he came from a poor family and worked his way up into being a powerful and wealthy businessman. So it’s no wonder, then, that he’s still got a bit of the old aggression lurking in him.
In business, as well as life, Jack always assesses who he is dealing with, and that includes thinking about how he would take them down in a fight. It’s a strategy that seems to have worked for him, although maybe it’s not always the best idea to have this attitude going into any new relationships.
“I once claimed ‘I am God’ during a deposition.”
Jack only has one religion: capitalism. He worships the almighty dollar, and while he does not fault anyone for believing in anything else, it’s pretty hard to change his mind.
That’s more than apparent in the episode “St. Valentine’s Day,” in which Jack makes a reservation at one of the most expensive and exclusive restaurants in Manhattan, only to be thwarted by his girlfriend’s insistence on attending a Catholic mass. During confession, Jack drives a priest to near madness with a long string of blasphemies, including this one.
“Money can’t buy happiness. It is happiness.”
This is one of the most solidly hilarious and achingly true things that Jack Donaghy has ever said. He’s never made any concessions to his love of money and capitalism, and this simple quote pretty much distills everything Jack believes down into one simple idea.
Next time someone tells you that money can’t buy happiness, pull out the second half of this quote, because while it is a little depressing, it is nonetheless hilariously true.
“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to stay alive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?”
Everyone has to have a motto to live by. This one just happens to be Jack’s. He’s the kind of guy that will chase success at any cost. That includes, at least metaphorically, consuming what he loves in order to keep going.
In fact, he believes in this adage so much, that he had it stitched onto a nice little throw pillow.
“I didn’t lie, Kenneth. I massaged the truth.”
In season 4, 30 Rock took aim at the countless executives who had received bonuses during one of the worst financial disasters in world history. When Kenneth accidentally sees Jack’s bonus cheque, he gets upset at the fact that Jack got a bonus while overtime hours for Pages had been cut.
When Kenneth says that Jack lied to him about making sacrifices, Jack insists that all he did was “massage the truth.” By the end of the episode, Kenneth is massaging the truth as well. That is to say, he blatantly lies.
“Diversity is the engine that drives this country. We are an immigrant nation!”
Jack really understands America at a fundamental level. It may seem like he’s got capitalist blinders on, but he at least understands empathy and what makes the USA such a great country. Of course, he still takes this opportunity to take a shot at millennials.
“The first generation works their fingers to the bone making things, the next generation goes to college and innovates new ideas, the third generation… snowboards and takes improv classes.”
“The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn’t made by those who don’t do, it’s made by those who do do.”
Jack has had plenty of opportunities to say wildly hilarious things in a totally straight face, and this one is no exception. It’s right up there with the time that Liz used his own advice against him, and Jack proclaimed that he was “playing with himself.”
“Which is what made me the man I am. I do do.”
“Welcome aboard… Danny.”
Remember Danny? The superfluous new cast member added to the show in season 4? No one would blame you if you didn’t. Even by the later seasons, the show was making jokes about how everyone had forgotten about him.
You might not even remember that his name isn’t really Danny; it’s Jack. Of course, when he met Jack Donaghy for the first time and said that there’d be two Jacks now, Donaghy was not having it. Instead, he just went ahead and gave Danny an entirely new name. Now that’s power.
